my friend is one of the most amazing writer’s I have ever met. I remember stalking her blog – oh, something like 7/8 years ago. She wrote this the other day. Maybe for me, maybe for her, maybe for someone else. But I love it so much that I have read it so many times, it hits me in a place I need. So I am reposting it from her blog, I hope she doesn’t mind.
“there’s a song that states “I was 29 before i realized that blowing my brains out wasn’t the answer.†Me.. it’s taken a whole lot longer.. just to realize that carrying on pisses more people off than walking away.. and god knows that thrills like that, they don’t come for free.. which would explain the pain that comes with knowing that to get that reaction you’ve done something questionable with your actions.
as i stand on the edge looking over for what may be the in between, the wind blows what little dignity that once ignited all that was me. it rustles with the leaves as it takes a hard turn to the south and floats away. it waves as it looks back.. it sings and feels free..it’s the part of me that i’m sure i need.
the parts that are left, they believe are for the taking..leaving little or nothing.. nothing left for what i deem important.. and sometimes there isn’t even enough to pull it together and rally up to make them mad as hell.. then again, I see the light, and realize the fight is the best part of the ride..
shortly, after seeing the reflection of swollen eyes lined with wrinkles that must be well earned, it dawns on me..that it doesn’t matter what is taken. it does not matter what is given away… if you don’t have it in you to make another plan.. you better put your head down and begin running like hell, cuz honey ain’t no one that’s gonna help you believe. There ain’t no one to help fill out your last will and testament.. so, as you sidle up to those tracks and contemplate laying it all out for our heavenly father to sort out.. remember you ain’t got nothing.. you ain’t complete,..it’s all the pieces of your broken life that make it worth clawing at the asphalt as you pull yourself out of the lane, while that semi is coming down down on you..
if you can’t grasp what you need then step back and look again.. cuz it’s not as shallow in that pond as you think.. it’s deep and sad.. but whatever you pull up with that algae wrapped around your mind.. that’s the part that makes you believe and see that you have it all…it’s just rusted and condemned..this is what they can’t have..it’s what drives the world mad. the breeze will dry you..as you look around.. begging for more.. you’ve become addicted to leaving it all behind.. you long for the crack of thunder as you realize you’re all you need.. this is the reason.. the reason you walk away.. you’re finding, very slowly what you want is what you need.. and somewhere in between you will find me… picking up the pieces.”
