Le Howl

These last few months have been the opposite sides of the spectrum if you will. I lost Ansli and Sally in April and met the man of my dreams in July. I moved into town into a house, the boy moved in , I sold the airstream, got a studio, started a new job, working on launching two new things and in the midst of it all I never stop thinking about them. I go through phases. Sometimes, he will find me in my studio drenched in tears other times I cry a bit and move on, but it never stops. Nine months. I see them. I feel them. Always and I never want it to stop. I hear them. I know I can hear them more if I stop and find my calm.

I am a stress cat as some might say. I am high energy and I am an empath and it changes quickly – depending on my energy and surrounding. If I meditate often and go to the river and walk – I am ok. The water and walking calm me. Otherwise I am a fierce mess, if we are being honest.

I don’t blog as much recently because I fear it being a place of blue. I have been told that. I am starting other blogs where it will be cut and dried but this place needs to stay safe for me to be real – a place to connect. It has been almost 7 /8 years in this cyber place and I won’t let it go  – purely selfish. I have moved so much and have been through so much it is my journal and I want to remember the good and bad;)

I don’t wan’t to be that blog where people are like “what the fuck” why can’t my life be that enchanted and awesome. well love, it’s blogland. People can show what they want , I choose to be real.

so this is me… in a small nutshell.

I hurt. I struggle, I laugh, I cry , I dance, I lay in the floor after too much wine, I wake up at 2 am for battle gallatica, I get crazy when I drink coffee, I get gassy when I eat veggies, but really who doesn’t?!

I love fiercely, I get angry and then I get sad and then I laugh out of the blue because I love and care so deeply about things and then feel completely awkward all the time.

I am mostly awkward.

I have to walk for my sanity, I have been told I am manic – who fucking cares…I feel.

I love to create and  sometimes I get in places where I feel less than what I should.  I struggle with wanting to be more and sell more and what I am doing wrong and excited when I do right.

I compare myself and that brings me down… I am learning.

I am who am.

I do what I do and that should be awesome enough.

I am elephant.

I am wolf.

I am fox.

I am fierce.

I love who I love and I would rather love and be poor and than rich and empty – but I hope to be rich and completely fantastic.

I don’t apologize for my beliefs for my veganism. I won’t put it on you but I think the world needs to change. The animals have to stop suffering for our stupidity and laziness. plastic kills these precious animals, they hurt  and tortured in the factory farms… it isn’t a safe place.

I cry for them.

I hurt for them.

so sometimes we need to check in.

who are we?

who are you?

what do you believe in?

I could name more…

but give me something of you – who are you? what do you believe in?

don’t apologize. let loose. you are safe here.

Let’s connect.

Be fierce and brave.

let it all out.

I love you. The earth loves you. The  animals love you. That is all that matters. You are loved. You are protected. You are safe here.

hugs to you…

{ 4 comments }