I am craving other worlds -sometimes the ones not seen or known but felt in your heart and soul. Silence with only the sounds of water, trees, birds and the coyotes at night. I miss these times of waking to sweet horses as my neighbors begging for carrots each morning and on a full moon reading a book at midnight or just sitting under the stars with nothing but the howls of the wind and smells of the desert – not that I am craving the desert, but nature in its truest form – for me means away from the busyness . I know my time is coming soon, although, the waiting feels like forever. I am not a very patient person. Sometimes I wonder if the living choice I made has caused my artist block, writers block and sadness. I am not complaining… I know these times will be worth something through my art and in my stories.
I guess, I have never been one for stagnation, when I need a change it might take me a minute but I find it necessary to try and shift as soon as I can, although,  a process as scary as hell sometimes- change… I am scared to pieces that I don’t know where I am truly going or what I am going to do. What I do know is that I want to live. I want to be present and not take this life for  granted. I don’t want to pace in these four walls anymore when there are mountains to explore, winds in each direction to kiss my face and water, dirt and every element in every direction to feed my senses. I want to document each and every step of feelings and bliss along the way. I want to break wide open and unfurl my wings because I have been caged too long from the pain of too many circumstances here.
I want to study animal massage, reiki, stones, herbs, naturopathy and better myself at photography and art. I want this all to feed my soul, support my living and allow us to help others and change lives. Sometimes without Sally and Ansli, I haven’t known what to do and have felt completely lost in my vision and my life the last couple years… Sally was my life for so long, I studied relentlessly to find ways to make her better – herbs, vets, homeopathic… anything. I raised money and did whatever it took. It might sound silly to some but when you lose a child like that who is such a part of your life, it changes you. Ansli was my best friend and I mean BEST. She was sally’s best friend, she was the one that made all of us work together, she was a presence of complete calm and such an old soul that could tell me what to do always. Life was just easier and it made sense. We had goals and nothing could stop us.
My thoughts are a million a second today. Â So I have updated my photo blog if you care to venture over… here
and I am working in my shop non stop the next two days, so hopefully some new stuff will be uploaded soon 😀
