Today it feels as though the rain has filled overflowing the muddy pothole of my mind.
Today I feel it deep as though the clouds feel my heart and weep with me.
I miss them. Each day it isn’t better. Each day is just each day. How to go on without your best friend or one you nurtured and cared for so long. To know spirit. To know so deep in your heart that she/they are still beside you – stretched all the way, curling her toes, looking deep into your eyes and knowing your thoughts before you do or giving silly kisses while rolling around absorbing every minute of her happy life.
I am sitting in the coffee shop in tears. I have no internet at my house. I desperately need a computer. Life felt simpler in the airstream. I miss it, but I know that is not the space I can be in right now. My dad is coming to get it in October and I all ready feel myself grieving. She is such a huge piece of our lives. Phoebe, Ansli and Sally all lived in there.
I know he is just taking it to a safe place – out of the rain. It still hurts. Today everything hurts, though.
My intentions and what actually happens each day is not matching up. I can’t say I haven’t been frustrated with that. Time seems to have its own march and we aren’t in sync.
There are some days you just have to let go…
I feel like I am shedding, but my skin is stuck a bit. Some days I go two steps forward and then the next 4 steps back. The march will eventually move forward. It is all a learning curve.
My animals keep me present. Tambi more than all. I want to laugh with her more and snatch some of her joy that just can’t be tainted. She is truly one to model our lives after. Joy and happiness are not based on situation or minute to minute but our hearts. Our hearts are always truly joyful, we just get jaded by day to day mundane and push it so far down. To clear out all the clutter and find pure love, pure bliss. Yes, don’t mind if I do. The all teach us things. Are you getting it?
Let’s face it, though. Even going through slumps there is always the other side of the wall that we will eventually get to – sometimes the climbing is a slip and fall before a jump and fly.
Like I say… Life can’t be all rainbows and unicorn farts.
Although, today… I would really like to be a unicorn.
Maybe tomorrow.
xo
