I don’t know where I am sometimes. Drifting, aimlessly walking, forgetting and then there will be times that I feel the sunshine so completely. Drenching my frail heart and sending healing through my bones. Sally passed away April 2. To write this and say it out loud makes it real. I haven’t been dealing with it – at all. I stay busy until I am exhausted. I work 7 days a week, I walk for miles at night or I force myself to paint my house or work on craft show things. Actually, I haven’t even done that and the craft show is in 2 weeks. I must get busy – I am so behind on everything.
All I can say right now is that… I am. I am here. I am being. I am working. I am existing.
I miss my girls more than I can breathe. I have been pushing my other babies away and I have to stop. I have to be present and love them as they love me. I have to find patience and healing within and all around.
So for today. For now. I am going to continue to find the sunshine each day, to keep walking and force myself to make the clouds lift. I know many will say be gentle and heal, but if I stop right now… I will crumble.
My friends have been amazing helping me through this- all of these emotions this month and for that I am grateful.
So love for today, friends. As I have lost two best friends – there may not be a tomorrow and I would give anything to have them in my arms.
xo
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about Sally (and Ansli). I ready your blog often, and so admire how you live your life and what wonderful things you create. I am thinking of you and your babes.
My heart is heavy, as well. Your love for your sweethearts is so evident through your photos and words, Terrah, and I know how desperately painful it is.
It’s been since August and I still cannot think of Crystal too much without feeling my heart seize up and my breath stop. When we lose such a large part of ourselves it is crippling.
Lots of love, hugs and healing from me to you. xoxo
Thinking of you often with a heavy heart.
Much love, Birgit
I really have no words. I came to your blog to check in and was not expecting to read this sad news about Sally. Wow, you so fiercely loved her…and I know she felt it. They all do. And, we wouldn’t have these heartbreaking times if we didn’t give them a chance in the first place. Thanks for giving her that chance.
My thoughts are with you. My heart is heavy.
<3 Amy