If you have been following my blog, you know Millie has been having a pretty rough time with a lot of issues. She hasn’t used her leg in over a month. The vet did a bone biopsy and today I received the email that she has Osteosarcoma. It is a pretty aggressive bone tumor. He said there is really nothing that can be done, except make her comfortable. He can’t take the leg b/c her other leg is already compromised and it had spread to her lymph nodes. Her immune system is already weak from her autoimmune disorder, putting her through chemo would not be fair. I don’t know how much time we have together. It could be less than a month or it could be longer. Her leg has gotten so big and she is really not feeling well. They say I am supposed to “know” when it is time. That she will tell me when she is ready. I have been through a lot of heartache in my life, but never anything that has hurt this bad. I love her more than my life. I don’t want her to be in pain.
I am trying not to think of how long I might have with her…b/c I start to cry and hurt. My neighbor Carla says I have today, so love her and make her feel comfortable. From reading, the pain is pretty extreme with this…like a bone exploding. I can put her on Codeine. Millie is so tolerant though. Will I know? Really? I hear her crying at night. I know that may sound weird, but she wimpers and she sniffles, she moves around alot b/c she can’t get comfortable.
This just isn’t fair on any level. She doesn’t deserve this.
Some past posts…along with the day that Millie took me in.
I keep researching. I keep wondering is this too far along? Could herbs help? could a cancer diet help? Am I grasping at straws or am I right to want to try something…anything? I don’t know what to do. Do I keep believe that a miracle could happen? What would you do? Would you keep trying or just make her “comfortable” ? Am I doing this for me or her? I feel so lost and confused and my heart physically hurts. I don’t know what to do. I have never been one to just stand by the sidelines, but what if there is something that could heal her or help her? Is that stupid to think?